Our Angel Baby

We're back at home now, and settling in. We are blessed to have grandparents here to ride herd on the kiddos so we can sleep and/or rest.

For those of you who want a few more details about what happened, here you go. Lindsey woke up around 4:30am wanting to be re-situated on the bed. The nurse checked her and found that she was a "6", so we figured it was go-time. We made a few phone calls to people who were to be present for Caden's grand entrance while the nurse shifted Lindsey. Just a few minutes later, she checked Lindsey again and saw that she was a "10" and ready to go. Obviously, this was incredibly fast, and we were all caught off guard. The nurses hurriedly began to prep her for delivery, and the doctor -- who lived about an hour away, so she had stayed on the floor overnight -- was called in. The wonderful perinatologist who would evaluate Caden was paged.

When the doctor came in, she took one look at Lindsey and knew she was ready to go RIGHT NOW. Lindsey asked if we could wait to let people get to the hospital, but the doctor said waiting wasn't an option. About a minute later, almost before we were even ready and without Lindsey even pushing, Caden joined us. He never drew a single breath.

He weighed 3 pounds 2 ounces, and was 15 inches long. He looked totally peaceful, with a face that resembles his brother and sister's and a fair amount of reddish-blonde hair. Despite all that we had been told about how he might appear due to the lack of fluid present, he was beautiful. Our precious little angel. Above is a picture of Caden in a basket that the hospital allowed us to use while we were there.

Thank you all for your loving prayers and support. We would not have been able to get through this without all of you! To see all those comments and visits on the blog is to know that we are loved by many, many people, and that is priceless to us. We will take the next few days to gather ourselves together and attempt to re-establish a new 'normal' pattern of life. In lieu of flowers or memorials, we are considering a few options for donations, and will post more information when we make a decision.

Thank you all for bearing this burden with us, and for lifting us up daily. We can feel that when our strength is gone, yours holds us up, and your prayers sustain us.

It Was Over Before It Began

Hard labor began around 1:30. We walked a few laps around the unit, then sat for a bit, then called for the epidural. After a couple hours of rest, Lindsey woke up at around 4:30. The nurse checked her and realized it was TIME. We made some quick phone calls to have people head to the hospital as they prepped her, but only moments later, Caden Adair was brought into this world. His spirit had already left his body, taking everyone by surprise. I guess he couldn't wait to go meet Jesus.

Thank you for your prayers.

Please continue, but for a different reason now...

Nighty-Nite!

Everything has been done that can be done at this point, so we're going to try to get some rest. If we wake up in the middle of the night for the festivities, I'll post again (if time allows); if not, I'll catch you all up in the morning. Thank you again for your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes! We appreciate how so many of you are walking this road with us!

Good night!

Evening Update

Well, we're still here, and still percolating. We've had to readjust our thinking (obviously), and are starting to settle in for the night. The doctor is supposed to come back at around 9:30 and administer the next phase of the chemical concoction, which is supposed to kick things into gear in a relative hurry. So, we may be having a looooong night tonight! Of course, no one really knows how long things will take, so we may still be here on Thursday...

Seriously, though, thank you all for your prayers and support! We cannot express enough to you how reassuring it is to know that you are all pulling for us! We will continue to post updates for as long as we are awake (and not otherwise occupied), so if any of you want to come along on our journey real-time, you're welcome to do that!

Thank you again - we'll keep you posted!

Still Here...

Not a whole lot has changed since the last post - we're just waiting for the chemical concoction to take effect and start labor. It's normal, though, for it to take a few hours to start working. Lindsey was allowed to eat lunch, which was a mixed blessing - it's good that she got to eat and drink, but it also means that labor isn't imminent quite yet.

*sigh*

She's out walking around the floor now, to try to get things rolling along. Same prayer request of the moment as last time. :)

And We're Off!!!

We're here in the hospital now, and Lindsey is all hooked up. We're listening to little Caden's heartbeat on the monitor and watching When Harry Met Sally. The doctors think it will be at least 12 hours before Lindsey goes into hard labor, but she labored for a total of 12 hours with each of our other two, so we're hoping for much sooner.

Now comes the final stage of waiting...

Prayer request of the moment:
We really don't want this to drag out any longer than it has to, so please pray that labor comes sooner rather than later.

Thursday Evening

Hello Again!

Today has had its ups and downs...it has been brightened by your wonderful comments on my previous post. It is especially fun to hear from some of you Jewell folks (hello, Link and Nan!) that I haven't had contact with in quite awhile. Thank you, also, to our readers, Kylee and Michelle...however you've found us, we're glad you did. And to all of you who read but do not leave comments, we appreciate you stopping by.

I have been dealing with some anger today...anticipating Sunday, wondering how things are going to play out....and resolving that it is just plain frustrating that we have absolutely NO CONTROL over what is going to happen.

In the midst of this, my husband has shared some Scripture with me. I am glad that he is spending time in the Word, because honestly, I haven't been able to pick my Bible up for a very long time. Not because I don't think that I should....but because I just can't. People have sent so many verses to me, each of which has touched me, so I am appreciative of those opportunities to examine Scripture. Brandon has been especially struck by the story of Abraham sacrificing his son, Issac...an eery parallel to what he is experiencing as Caden's father. We say that we are hopeful we find our own lamb soon. :) Brandon has also shared Christ's words to his Disciples before His arrest in John Chapter 14. I am so grateful for his perspective and spiritual leadership right now.

Reading Scripture, while comforting, also reminds me that God does ask His followers to do things that are HARD. He sacrificed His only Son....and it appears He is asking us to make a similar sacrifice. Ugh. I spoke to Jennifer, who lost her baby girl about a year and a half ago, and she described preparing to deliver her daughter and feeling very humbled. That is a great way to describe how I am feeling. Completely humbled. Because I know there is absolutely NO WAY I am going to survive this without God. I am powerless do to anything but the best I can do. Which, I suppose, is how I should view all of my life as a child of His...but this situation really brings it home, and I have to admit, humility is hard.

Anyway, it has come to me that perhaps I need to ask you all, our faithful prayer warriors, to lift us up in specific ways over the next few days. Please allow me to share:

-Please pray for my labor. I am scared to death that it will drag on and on...serving to make me even more crazy than I already am. Please pray that things move quickly and smoothly with that.

-Please pray for Brandon as he supports me at the hospital and grieves our son as only a father can.

-Please pray for Connor and Kylee. Kylee has had a couple of rough days...acting out, throwing things, screaming, tearing things apart...not typical of her, and I know it is a response to the tension around here. She came up to me last night and said "Mommy, I am going to miss our baby". I pulled her up on my lap and we had a good cry together. Connor appears to be doing well, but I know this weekend will be hard for him, too. Please pray for them as they grieve in their own special way for their little brother.

-Please pray for Caden...that if it be God's will, He might be healed....and if not, that we will get to enjoy at least a few moments with him alive. We are asking for a miracle....either that our son will live, or that somehow, we will have peace in the moment that we tell him goodbye.

-Please pray for our family as they support us through this weekend. They are experiencing a loss, too, and yet, are being available to us. We are so thankful.

And lastly, it is our prayer that somehow, this is reaching someone that needs to hear our story right now...maybe because they are experiencing loss of a similar kind...or maybe for another reason we can't even imagine.

Thank you all. Rest well tonight.

Thank You

Good Afternoon!

It has been an eventful day here at the Carlson home. Patti from Alexandra's House came by to drop off some scrapbooking materials and an outfit for our little man, and Jan, our wonderful friend and my co-worker, brought Kylee and I some lunch to eat. Both of these women took time to pray with me, which is just what I needed today.

We have been surrounded by prayer this week, from those who are near, and those who are many miles away. Our prayer team from church came and prayed with us on Monday evening, and then on Tuesday, our new pastor from North Star, the Children's Ministry coordinator, and the interim Pastor that has filled in as the leader for our congregation in between time came and prayed with me. What a blessing these prayers have been.

This morning, I was overwhelmed by the need to say "thank you" to so many of you. I found myself getting choked up when I stopped to reflect on just how much you all have done for us. So, I will start here, and probably summarize more than I should, but hopefully, you know how heartfelt our gratitude is.

First of all, I want to thank our friends. To Becca, who has called almost daily just to check in on me....to Trena, Jeana, Kirsten, Debbie, and Jaymie, who have helped me to laugh and have brightened my days with beautiful flowers, cards, and regular e-mails.....to Heather, who has freely shared her own experience with loss and encouraged me to think and feel in the way that is right for ME....to Dana and Jennifer, who have prayed for Caden each and every day, as have many of you....to Robyn, whose words, in person, on the phone, in a card, and on her blog, continue to impact me in a way that few do....thank you.

To Paula, for sending cards on a weekly basis and for reminding me that is it okay to question and wonder why....thank you.

To my colleagues at William Jewell College, who brought meals, picked up slack with my courses, and have asked no more of me than I was willing to give at any moment and have been completely understanding and supportive....to Wanda, who has so willingly allowed me to draw strength and encouragement from her own painful experience with infant loss....thank you. You ladies exemplify what the heart and soul of nursing is all about and I am honored to be on your team.

To Jan...how can parents express what the precious glimpses of our son mean to us and will mean to us in the months to come? For meeting us on evenings and weekends, for enduring painful hand cramps as you hold the transducer perfectly still so we could watch Caden play, for your spirit of grace and unconditional love, both for us and for our son...for bringing us a peace that only you can provide, and for treasuring Caden's life right along with us....thank you.

To our church....for putting us on the prayer list three months ago and leaving us there each week...for all the hugs and concern....for the prayer shawl (thank you, Kay)....for being Christ's arms around us as we've walked through this valley....and particularly to our small group, the (not so) Young Adults....for the endless offers of help, meals, cards, and for the laughter on Tuesday evenings....thank you.

To Caden's grandparents....our kids are so blessed to have you in their lives. Thank you for loving and praying for each of them since before they were conceived. Your constant encouragement and support is something we simply couldn't do without. Thank you for instilling within us the importance of following God's will in our lives, even when it isn't easy. Knowing that Connor and Kylee will be taken care of this weekend is something that we are beyond grateful for...and we know that, for however brief a time, Caden will get to experience your love and affection this weekend, too. Thanks for putting your own emotions aside to be strong for us. We know it hasn't been easy. We are praying for you throughout this time, too. :) Thank you, thank you.

To Caden's Aunts and Uncles....this little man is lucky to have you in his life....thank you for checking in so often, whether from Overland Park or from North Carolina...and for supporting us so faithfully through prayer.

To Jennifer A., Jennifer S., Hope, Laurie in CA, Renee, Patti, Susan, and Shelly....thank you so much for checking in on us....we are so sorry that many of you have had to walk through this valley before or are walking through it now with us....and we are grateful for those of you who just plain have a heart for those of us who have to surrender our little ones after such a short time with them. Some of you we will never meet face to face, but your words serve as such an encouragement to us. Thank you for sharing your own pain and loss and for offering us a glimpse of the healing and recovery that can follow such utter devastation....we are so grateful.

To our precious little ones, Connor and Kylee....for being the very spirit of Christ in our midst....for being the reason that I get up every morning and find the strength to move forward....for exemplifying childlike faith....for knowing that we're not going to get to bring our baby home and for still kissing my belly and drawing him pictures, anyway....for sitting on my lap and sharing my tears when Mommy just needs to cry....for having so much love to give and for giving it so freely....for reminding us that everything God creates is perfect....thank you.

To my husband....thank you for holding me, crying with me, and for being the only other soul in this world that can connect with our son as a parent. Your presence is a great comfort to me. Your steadfastness is the foundation of our family, and your strong desire to follow God's will in ALL circumstances is simply amazing. I would not want to go through this with anyone but you by my side...and for your hurt, I am sorry. Thank you for all the ways in which you have taken care of me physically...helping around the house, chasing the kids when my energy runs out, cooking meals, never-ending Wal-Mart runs....and most importantly, thank you for always being willing to take care of me emotionally, too. I am so blessed to be married to my best friend and the greatest father in the universe, be that for our children here on this earth or for the one that may be looking down on us from heaven....thank you for being you and for loving me.

And lastly, to our precious Caden....thank you, well, for being you. Thank you for kicking and for defying the odds to live long enough to make it this far....I don't know why God is calling you to come home with Him so soon, but I trust that it is because you possess something very special....you have been called to fulfill His purpose in an incredible way. If it is His will to call you home, thanks for watching over all of us and for being our very special little angel. We are forever grateful for your presence, however brief, in our lives...and for forever, in our hearts.

And to you, our reader...thank you for caring enough to check in. We are truly overwhelmed by your support and love.

Tuesday Morning

Today is a big day in my life. Let me preface this post by saying that I am a CLEAN FREAK. Before children, I couldn't leave the house without every pillow being in place and everything being JUST SO (which is also why I am NEVER on time anywhere). I once spent my spring break during my Master's program scrubbing the ENTIRE house down (walls included...and, just for the record, this is when we lived in a much smaller home). After children, I have had to mellow out a bit. I have progressed from every pillow being in place to just being happy if there isn't pee splattered all over my bathroom before we leave the house. But I still fight my OCD about having floors and counter tops pristine. For quite some time, I told myself that I was just being a good wife and mother, but now I realize that neither Brandon nor the children care in the least about man-eating dust bunnies accumulating in our corners, so I have had to accept and acknowledge that I alone derive a great deal of inner peace from how our home is maintained.

As with many psychological issues, I can trace this tendency back to my childhood, where EVERY Sunday, we cleaned the house from top to bottom (most Sundays, we did this instead of going to church, which shows you the priority placed on cleanliness in our home...oops). My mother was the "white glove test" guru. Every nook, every cranny, was scrubbed. I grew up with this, so it is a priority I have carried with me into my own home (although we are very careful about putting Jesus first in our lives and I do the cleaning throughout the week so we can go to church together on Sunday). I LOVE the smell of a clean house (I do have a strange affinity for the smell of bleach)...I adore glistening faucets and clean mirrors. Vacuumed carpets are one of my favorite things...

Now, please know that I do not carry this tendency into other people's homes. I don't care about other people's man-eating dust bunnies, and pee splattered everywhere in someone else's bathroom doesn't phase me in the least. So please don't think I am critiquing your home in any way. I am relatively blind to any filth but my own.

So, knowing this about me, you will understand that a big item on the to-do list for this week was to get the house cleaned. It is a big deal for me...I like things done a certain way and have those particular spots that make me especially happy when I know they are clean. I am a control freak about it. But today, Molly Maids will be coming to clean my house. It is a big moment.

This is big on many levels...I haven't ever wanted to hire someone to clean because 1.) I am a complete cheapskate, 2.) I would be irate if I paid all that money and then found an area that wasn't clean (or, in other words, I am convinced that I can clean better than they can), 3.) What we will pay for a cleaning would allow us about 5 meals out and I loathe cooking, and 4.) I think that being home means it is MY job to clean...and therefore asking someone else to do it is shirking my responsibilities.

This experience has allowed me to get over that. Almost everything is uncomfortable now, and for the first time, I am LETTING IT GO and realizing that I shouldn't be scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees right now. I am doing ENOUGH. I am ENTITLED to some help.

This is revolutionary for me, folks. An experience like this lends itself to many new ventures. Just being able to acknowledge that it's OKAY to have some help is a big step. Having to ask for help does not come naturally to me...but I am learning that we MUST lean on others...thankfully we don't have to pay friends and family for their help like we do Molly Maids. :) This is how Christ intended it to be. We cannot wait to give back to all of you, but understand right now, our job is to RECEIVE. And thank you for giving us so much.

Thank you, precious Caden, for helping us to learn so many new things about ourselves. We love you so much.

Check These Out

I know I just posted this morning, but felt compelled to write again because I have some things to share with all of you.

Some of the neatest encouragement we have received has come via e-mail. I want to encourage you to check out the following links...

The first is a video that is worth the 4 minutes of your time it will take to watch it. Our friend Kirsten forwarded it to us several days ago, and I just took the time to look at it today. Funny how the Holy Spirit works in that way. I especially encourage those of you who have endured the loss of a child to check this out. It is exactly what I needed to hear:

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Teaching/Default.aspx?id=77580

The second is a blog post written by our dear friend, Robyn. She has recently started a blog, and while we enjoy reading it on a daily basis, we were especially humbled and honored by her post today entitled "Prayers":

http://robynattheshallowend.blogspot.com/2008/06/prayers.html

Our friends are Christ with skin on for us. Thanks to all of you for being who you are.

Monday Morning

Good Morning!

I am going to try to post each day this week...and it is probably coming from a selfish place. As Caden's birthday approaches, I am finding that I am filled with several strong emotions...sadness, heartache, anticipation, hope, fear...and maybe taking the time to reflect on them on a daily basis will help me process a bit. We shall see.

This weekend was a good one. We played with the kids, got some work done around the house...tackling one of the last big projects I wanted to do before going to the hospital. While doing that brings a type A personality like me peace, it also brings with it an aire of finality. We are now down to our "one week to go" list. It is so painful for me to go through the motions of delivering a baby without being able to anticipate bringing him home with us.

Last night, we hosted a barbeque for a few families who are either currently pregnant with a terminally ill baby or have lost a baby shortly after delivery. These are folks that we have become acquainted with through Alexandra's House. We have communicated via e-mail, but it was wonderful to meet them in person. While our hearts ache for them, there was such comfort in getting to see that we are not alone in this experience, and that people have survived it. It was a great way to spend a Sunday evening.

We can feel the prayers of others and want to thank you for them. We have both had such a hard time over the last several days....I think there was an element of hope that maybe, just maybe, God would let us skip this part....and it is hard to know that despite all the pain and heartache of the last few months, we are now charged with mustering up the strength for this experience, too. It is just SO HARD.

In addition to much prayerful support, we have received so many wonderful gifts from friends and family...and one of them came to us last week in the form of a beautiful quilt created by one of our friends from church. It is made of cheerful colored cloth with Caden's name embroidered on it. Kylee looked at it last night and said "That's Caden's birthday present! He will use it to go night-night." The childlike perspective is so innocent, so faithful. To a child, eternal rest is not much different from a good night's sleep...resting in our Creator's arms. I am so thankful that we have Connor and Kylee in our lives.

Brandon just let me know today that the hospital we will be going to does have wireless internet access, so we will be posting regular updates to our blog throughout our day on Sunday. Please check often...we will not be shy about posting specific prayer requests. :)

Thank you all, so much, for your love and support. We are forever grateful.

"The Lord is my light and salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

Under Two Weeks and Counting...

Good Afternoon!

I felt compelled to write a little bit today to give you all a quick update on what's been happening here at the Carlson house. We had a crazy, but wonderful, weekend filled with the celebration of Connor's 6th birthday. I will post pictures soon. :)

Connor continues to enjoy summer school and opted to go back yesterday despite having fulfilled our one week mandatory attendance. He did stay home today, saying that he "doesn't want to go EVERY day". I must say, it has been nice having him around today...and I think part of his reason for staying home is sheer exhaustion after such a long, exciting weekend.

I had my LAST Doctor's appointment a week ago. I am so relieved that I don't have to go back! We talked through some details of our hospital stay and labor...they will start my induction at 0900 on Sunday morning, the 29th, and we are hopeful that Caden will join us either Sunday evening or Monday morning, June 30th. At this point, I will plan to deliver Caden vaginally (leave it to a nurse to use that word on a public blog!), even though he is, at this time, breech. The Doctor assures me that given that he will be small, combined with my "favorable pelvis," we will have a positive outcome and not end up having to have a C-Section. I pray that she is right. The disadvantage of a vaginal delivery is that it tends to be more difficult on the baby, and therefore, decreases the odds that Caden will survive delivery. We are hoping for even a few moments with him while he is alive, so please be praying that he makes it through the birth without any trauma. It is difficult to opt not to have a C-Section...after all, as parents, our first responsibility is always to our children's health and safety, but we acknowledge that recovering from abdominal surgery in addition to the grief process is probably not the best thing for us to be doing...so please pray for a healthy and safe delivery for our little man.

As the day approaches, our emotions run wild. The relief from being done with this roller coaster will be great, but I think there is also a huge element of fear of the unknown that weighs heavy on our hearts. How long will labor take? What will Caden look like? Will he be born alive, or will his spirit be in heaven before we get to meet him? How will Connor and Kylee handle things? Are we SURE God will give us everything we need at this exact moment?!?!?!?!?! Needless to say, we'd appreciate you alerting all the prayer warriors in your life to be praying fervently for us and our families over the next couple weeks, and particularly on the 29th and 30th.

Aaron and Rachel, Brandon's parents, will be coming to Kansas City to help us with the kids while we are in the hospital, and they will stay for a few days after the delivery to help us get back on our feet and entertain the kiddos. My Dad and his wife, Lori, will also be helping with the kids, so we know Connor and Kylee will hardly miss us while we are gone, which we are grateful for. :)

We have decided to limit our hospital visitors to family...feeling that this is the best way to maximize our few precious moments with Caden. Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles, along with Connor and Kylee, will be on hand to meet Caden and "hold our hands" as we walk through this difficult time. We are so grateful that all of you will be with us in spirit!!

Some have asked about a memorial service, and we have decided not to have one at this point in time. I know some might think that is a mistake, but we feel it is the right decision for us. We may arrange something for later in the summer, but for now, we will look forward to coming home to spend some quiet time with Connor and Kylee as we heal mentally and physically from our loss. Brandon will take a week off after Caden is born...his boss has been very gracious and encouraged him to take as much time as he needs...so we will get to be together as a family for a few days after leaving the hospital, more if we decide we need a bit longer.

Some have asked what they can do to help...we are thinking Brandon will return to work on July 7th, and after that date, the kids and I would love to have some company during the days. I am a bit frightened of how my emotional state will be after his time at home is over...so looking forward to visits from friends would be a huge blessing for me at that time. I won't be much fun to be with, but know that so many of you will love me all the same....:) The kids will also be climbing the walls, I am sure....beware that if you come over, I will look forward to showing you pictures and momentos of our baby boy if you are willing to look at them!

We have made arrangements with our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographer, and are so grateful that we will have those precious images of Caden after he is gone. We also plan to take a special blanket, created by hand by my Grandma Loretta in California, to wrap Caden in while he is with us and then bring home with us as a physical reminder of him. We have been told that the hospital will also give us handprints and footprints from our precious one. They will also send us home with a lock of his hair. And of course, there's our heartbeat bear. Forever precious.

As our delivery date gets closer, we will be keeping in touch...we continue to be so appreciative of your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. Thanks for checking in and come back soon!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

3D Sonogram

Hello!
Sorry to be so slow to post this, but it has been a busy weekend and I am just now finding a minute to sit down and share.

THANK YOU so much for your prayers for us on Thursday evening. As you can see, we were able to get some wonderful glimpses of Caden. Our experience at Prenatal Imaging was wonderful!! The biggest challenge was actually NOT our lack of fluid, but rather, Caden's positioning. He is laying like an Olympic diver...in the pike position!! We've taken a picture of Connor in a similar position so you can get an idea of how our little man is inside of me with his knees pressed right up by his face. Caden is still breech, with his rear down and his head (and feet!) right up in my ribs. Janette, the sonographer that worked with us, had to work really hard to get a shot of his face...but she persisted and we got at least a partial glimpse of our littlest blessing (who has been blessed with a VERY Carlson-esque set of cheeks). They sent us home with pictures, a DVD, and a CD of Caden's heartbeat. What a gift! While all of that was free, we went on ahead and purchased a teddy bear, who carries within him a recording of Caden's heartbeat. You can press on the bear's tummy and hear Caden's little ticker beating away...it is great and the kids love it, too! I will confess that I keep it close to me much of the time. It brings me comfort to listen to his heart. Connor listened for the first time and proclaimed "It sounds like a piece of metal dragging on the ground!" Ah, five year olds.

This week has been a tough one for us emotionally. I am much more physically uncomfortable and am not sleeping well at night. While I try to enjoy every kick and nudge, there is a part of me that gets frustrated with feeling out of sorts. I feel that moms who aren't going to get to bring their babies home should get a free pass from all the pregnancy discomforts...but I know this isn't how it works...nothing is easy.

It has also been a hard week because tomorrow, Connor will start summer kindergarten with the Liberty Public Schools. We haven't committed to sending him for the full summer session (18 days), but are going to try it for at least this week, so he can get used to his new school, have some experience in a kindergarten classroom, and know a little better what to expect this fall. It is very difficult and emotional for me to think of him beginning this new chapter in life...and for us to begin this new chapter as parents. He will spend most of his day with a total stranger...his teacher, Ms. McPherson...who I have been assured is a decent human being....he is doing okay with the idea...and I hope and pray that he loves school and is blessed through his experiences there. Brandon assures me that this is the right thing to do...and he usually knows what he's talking about, so we'll give it a try! ;)

As if that weren't enough, tomorrow is also the 9th anniversary of my Mom's death. They did a prayer service in church today, during which I BAWLED (we are talking the ugly cry here, people!). Sometimes it just feels so unfair that God would ask me to process and cope with ALL of this at one time, when just one of these things would be enough on any given day. He continues to give me the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know that my strength comes about, in no small part, because of your prayers. So thank you.

This week holds another Doctor's appointment for me...Tuesday morning. I am hoping this will be the last one before we go into the hospital to deliver. I am a bit concerned about trying to deliver a breech baby without a C-Section, so plan to ask some questions about that. I will also get more information about the induction process as a whole, so that will help, too. We are three weeks away from meeting our little boy.