Thursday Evening

Hello Again!

Today has had its ups and downs...it has been brightened by your wonderful comments on my previous post. It is especially fun to hear from some of you Jewell folks (hello, Link and Nan!) that I haven't had contact with in quite awhile. Thank you, also, to our readers, Kylee and Michelle...however you've found us, we're glad you did. And to all of you who read but do not leave comments, we appreciate you stopping by.

I have been dealing with some anger today...anticipating Sunday, wondering how things are going to play out....and resolving that it is just plain frustrating that we have absolutely NO CONTROL over what is going to happen.

In the midst of this, my husband has shared some Scripture with me. I am glad that he is spending time in the Word, because honestly, I haven't been able to pick my Bible up for a very long time. Not because I don't think that I should....but because I just can't. People have sent so many verses to me, each of which has touched me, so I am appreciative of those opportunities to examine Scripture. Brandon has been especially struck by the story of Abraham sacrificing his son, Issac...an eery parallel to what he is experiencing as Caden's father. We say that we are hopeful we find our own lamb soon. :) Brandon has also shared Christ's words to his Disciples before His arrest in John Chapter 14. I am so grateful for his perspective and spiritual leadership right now.

Reading Scripture, while comforting, also reminds me that God does ask His followers to do things that are HARD. He sacrificed His only Son....and it appears He is asking us to make a similar sacrifice. Ugh. I spoke to Jennifer, who lost her baby girl about a year and a half ago, and she described preparing to deliver her daughter and feeling very humbled. That is a great way to describe how I am feeling. Completely humbled. Because I know there is absolutely NO WAY I am going to survive this without God. I am powerless do to anything but the best I can do. Which, I suppose, is how I should view all of my life as a child of His...but this situation really brings it home, and I have to admit, humility is hard.

Anyway, it has come to me that perhaps I need to ask you all, our faithful prayer warriors, to lift us up in specific ways over the next few days. Please allow me to share:

-Please pray for my labor. I am scared to death that it will drag on and on...serving to make me even more crazy than I already am. Please pray that things move quickly and smoothly with that.

-Please pray for Brandon as he supports me at the hospital and grieves our son as only a father can.

-Please pray for Connor and Kylee. Kylee has had a couple of rough days...acting out, throwing things, screaming, tearing things apart...not typical of her, and I know it is a response to the tension around here. She came up to me last night and said "Mommy, I am going to miss our baby". I pulled her up on my lap and we had a good cry together. Connor appears to be doing well, but I know this weekend will be hard for him, too. Please pray for them as they grieve in their own special way for their little brother.

-Please pray for Caden...that if it be God's will, He might be healed....and if not, that we will get to enjoy at least a few moments with him alive. We are asking for a miracle....either that our son will live, or that somehow, we will have peace in the moment that we tell him goodbye.

-Please pray for our family as they support us through this weekend. They are experiencing a loss, too, and yet, are being available to us. We are so thankful.

And lastly, it is our prayer that somehow, this is reaching someone that needs to hear our story right now...maybe because they are experiencing loss of a similar kind...or maybe for another reason we can't even imagine.

Thank you all. Rest well tonight.