Tuesday Morning

Today is a big day in my life. Let me preface this post by saying that I am a CLEAN FREAK. Before children, I couldn't leave the house without every pillow being in place and everything being JUST SO (which is also why I am NEVER on time anywhere). I once spent my spring break during my Master's program scrubbing the ENTIRE house down (walls included...and, just for the record, this is when we lived in a much smaller home). After children, I have had to mellow out a bit. I have progressed from every pillow being in place to just being happy if there isn't pee splattered all over my bathroom before we leave the house. But I still fight my OCD about having floors and counter tops pristine. For quite some time, I told myself that I was just being a good wife and mother, but now I realize that neither Brandon nor the children care in the least about man-eating dust bunnies accumulating in our corners, so I have had to accept and acknowledge that I alone derive a great deal of inner peace from how our home is maintained.

As with many psychological issues, I can trace this tendency back to my childhood, where EVERY Sunday, we cleaned the house from top to bottom (most Sundays, we did this instead of going to church, which shows you the priority placed on cleanliness in our home...oops). My mother was the "white glove test" guru. Every nook, every cranny, was scrubbed. I grew up with this, so it is a priority I have carried with me into my own home (although we are very careful about putting Jesus first in our lives and I do the cleaning throughout the week so we can go to church together on Sunday). I LOVE the smell of a clean house (I do have a strange affinity for the smell of bleach)...I adore glistening faucets and clean mirrors. Vacuumed carpets are one of my favorite things...

Now, please know that I do not carry this tendency into other people's homes. I don't care about other people's man-eating dust bunnies, and pee splattered everywhere in someone else's bathroom doesn't phase me in the least. So please don't think I am critiquing your home in any way. I am relatively blind to any filth but my own.

So, knowing this about me, you will understand that a big item on the to-do list for this week was to get the house cleaned. It is a big deal for me...I like things done a certain way and have those particular spots that make me especially happy when I know they are clean. I am a control freak about it. But today, Molly Maids will be coming to clean my house. It is a big moment.

This is big on many levels...I haven't ever wanted to hire someone to clean because 1.) I am a complete cheapskate, 2.) I would be irate if I paid all that money and then found an area that wasn't clean (or, in other words, I am convinced that I can clean better than they can), 3.) What we will pay for a cleaning would allow us about 5 meals out and I loathe cooking, and 4.) I think that being home means it is MY job to clean...and therefore asking someone else to do it is shirking my responsibilities.

This experience has allowed me to get over that. Almost everything is uncomfortable now, and for the first time, I am LETTING IT GO and realizing that I shouldn't be scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees right now. I am doing ENOUGH. I am ENTITLED to some help.

This is revolutionary for me, folks. An experience like this lends itself to many new ventures. Just being able to acknowledge that it's OKAY to have some help is a big step. Having to ask for help does not come naturally to me...but I am learning that we MUST lean on others...thankfully we don't have to pay friends and family for their help like we do Molly Maids. :) This is how Christ intended it to be. We cannot wait to give back to all of you, but understand right now, our job is to RECEIVE. And thank you for giving us so much.

Thank you, precious Caden, for helping us to learn so many new things about ourselves. We love you so much.