Under Two Weeks and Counting...

Good Afternoon!

I felt compelled to write a little bit today to give you all a quick update on what's been happening here at the Carlson house. We had a crazy, but wonderful, weekend filled with the celebration of Connor's 6th birthday. I will post pictures soon. :)

Connor continues to enjoy summer school and opted to go back yesterday despite having fulfilled our one week mandatory attendance. He did stay home today, saying that he "doesn't want to go EVERY day". I must say, it has been nice having him around today...and I think part of his reason for staying home is sheer exhaustion after such a long, exciting weekend.

I had my LAST Doctor's appointment a week ago. I am so relieved that I don't have to go back! We talked through some details of our hospital stay and labor...they will start my induction at 0900 on Sunday morning, the 29th, and we are hopeful that Caden will join us either Sunday evening or Monday morning, June 30th. At this point, I will plan to deliver Caden vaginally (leave it to a nurse to use that word on a public blog!), even though he is, at this time, breech. The Doctor assures me that given that he will be small, combined with my "favorable pelvis," we will have a positive outcome and not end up having to have a C-Section. I pray that she is right. The disadvantage of a vaginal delivery is that it tends to be more difficult on the baby, and therefore, decreases the odds that Caden will survive delivery. We are hoping for even a few moments with him while he is alive, so please be praying that he makes it through the birth without any trauma. It is difficult to opt not to have a C-Section...after all, as parents, our first responsibility is always to our children's health and safety, but we acknowledge that recovering from abdominal surgery in addition to the grief process is probably not the best thing for us to be doing...so please pray for a healthy and safe delivery for our little man.

As the day approaches, our emotions run wild. The relief from being done with this roller coaster will be great, but I think there is also a huge element of fear of the unknown that weighs heavy on our hearts. How long will labor take? What will Caden look like? Will he be born alive, or will his spirit be in heaven before we get to meet him? How will Connor and Kylee handle things? Are we SURE God will give us everything we need at this exact moment?!?!?!?!?! Needless to say, we'd appreciate you alerting all the prayer warriors in your life to be praying fervently for us and our families over the next couple weeks, and particularly on the 29th and 30th.

Aaron and Rachel, Brandon's parents, will be coming to Kansas City to help us with the kids while we are in the hospital, and they will stay for a few days after the delivery to help us get back on our feet and entertain the kiddos. My Dad and his wife, Lori, will also be helping with the kids, so we know Connor and Kylee will hardly miss us while we are gone, which we are grateful for. :)

We have decided to limit our hospital visitors to family...feeling that this is the best way to maximize our few precious moments with Caden. Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles, along with Connor and Kylee, will be on hand to meet Caden and "hold our hands" as we walk through this difficult time. We are so grateful that all of you will be with us in spirit!!

Some have asked about a memorial service, and we have decided not to have one at this point in time. I know some might think that is a mistake, but we feel it is the right decision for us. We may arrange something for later in the summer, but for now, we will look forward to coming home to spend some quiet time with Connor and Kylee as we heal mentally and physically from our loss. Brandon will take a week off after Caden is born...his boss has been very gracious and encouraged him to take as much time as he needs...so we will get to be together as a family for a few days after leaving the hospital, more if we decide we need a bit longer.

Some have asked what they can do to help...we are thinking Brandon will return to work on July 7th, and after that date, the kids and I would love to have some company during the days. I am a bit frightened of how my emotional state will be after his time at home is over...so looking forward to visits from friends would be a huge blessing for me at that time. I won't be much fun to be with, but know that so many of you will love me all the same....:) The kids will also be climbing the walls, I am sure....beware that if you come over, I will look forward to showing you pictures and momentos of our baby boy if you are willing to look at them!

We have made arrangements with our Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographer, and are so grateful that we will have those precious images of Caden after he is gone. We also plan to take a special blanket, created by hand by my Grandma Loretta in California, to wrap Caden in while he is with us and then bring home with us as a physical reminder of him. We have been told that the hospital will also give us handprints and footprints from our precious one. They will also send us home with a lock of his hair. And of course, there's our heartbeat bear. Forever precious.

As our delivery date gets closer, we will be keeping in touch...we continue to be so appreciative of your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. Thanks for checking in and come back soon!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."